Stop trying

Me alone in NYCIt’s not so easy getting on a computer in this neck of the woods, but here I am, alone at my sister’s house. Alone! I’ve enjoyed spending a lot of time with friends and family, and before that, with work colleagues and some sexy boys…but I must say, it’s nice to have a short window of alone time.

This trip is sort of a mirror to the one I took just over a year ago — seeing a lot of the same people and places, in reverse order — but my circumstances have changed. Alone used to be sort of a challenge for me. Like everyone, I sometimes craved alone time, but for the most part, it scared me. Or, to be more specific about the context, I was not so thrilled with the idea of being single, a still-new and uncomfortable situation for me last summer.

One of the nice things I’ve learned about being alone, especially nice when traveling, is that you really do get to do what you want, when you want. You get to come up with all the ideas. Another, slightly more profound, thing I’ve learned is that by giving up the idea of fighting loneliness, wonderful things can happen.

I came on this trip without any real expectations, certainly no expectations of meeting new people — guys — I would connect with on a deep level and want to keep in touch with. I was open to the possibility, sure, but not really seeking it out. And what happened? I connected, deeply. More than once.

This is how the smart people I know agree it works, but it can be hard to put into practice, hard to have faith that it’ll really work. I’d always been of the mind that if you want something to happen, you have to make it happen. That had been my experience, so it was a hard feeling to shake; but I hadn’t really tried the other way. What if I were to stop trying so hard, stop pursuing, and instead just be open to the possibility?

Me alone in NYC 2012“Yeah, I’m doing that,” I’d tell myself or anyone who would listen over the past year, “and nothing’s happening.” Well, in truth, I wasn’t really doing that. I was still clinging to the idea that I needed a boyfriend (or whatever, someone outside myself) to be happy. I still believe I’d be happy in a good relationship, mind you, but I no longer think I need to be in one to be happy.

So, thanks to the new guys in my life. I love that you were unafraid to go deep even though we live in different cities and probably won’t see a whole lot of each other. Nice to see it works: stop trying and you just might find you’ll get what you need. Life is good.

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5 thoughts on “Stop trying

  1. Hi, David!! It was SOOOOOO great seeing you again, and, as usual, a million laughs!! I didn’t think we could top the Phyllis as Photographer moment from last year, but Philip outdid her in his ineptitude with an iPhone taking our annual photo!! I think you should make a flip-book out of all the out-takes!! Anyway…I’m so glad to know that you’re healthy and happy!! Love you!! (…excuse all the double exclamation points but I wanted to be emphatic!!..!!!) xo

  2. I’m so happy to read this post. Yes, life is good. Especially with Dave Robb’s insightful, witty, and intelligent blog posts to help me find my way. xoxoxox, Sharon

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